I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
