He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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