Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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