There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
