well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
