I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
