I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
