Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
