Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
