the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
