I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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