I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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