Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We have started to decorate penises.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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