Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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