these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
