Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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