took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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