Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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