I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
