It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
