That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize