you turned your livingroom into a bong?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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