If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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