If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
