I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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