dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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