I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
