ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
