She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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