College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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