I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
