cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
