I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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