OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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