I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
