i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
