Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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