I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
