So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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