Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize