sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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