You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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