Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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