who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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