I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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