just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
