i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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