Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
