then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She announced her abortion via fbk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize