So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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