Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
