im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
