I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
