people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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