Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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