Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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