his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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