Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
