I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
stop calling my apartment porn island.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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