Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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