It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
