Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
