hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
