Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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