I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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