I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
