Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
