i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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