At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
