I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
