Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize