In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
