My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
zippers are such a cool invention
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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