Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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