fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
