You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
