Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
