Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
