Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
