just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
