Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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