I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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