no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
