Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
