youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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