Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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