i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
