Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
