Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
