and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize