She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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