so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
