My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
