Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
