Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this will be a night to untag.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
