Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
