I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
