Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
