the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
