did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
