guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize