Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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