turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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