I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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