somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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