2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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