I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
