i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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