I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize