nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize