last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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